ABOUT SHEILA WHITMAN

Sheila Whitman has been a counselor for 19 years, initially working in a domestic violence shelter and in a program for pregnant women in the drug culture. Since 1993, she’s been in private practice, and is particularly interested in helping women make changes in their lives, including in relationships, career, health, and lifestyle. In the case of relationship violence, Sheila recognizes the connection between human and pet abuse, and includes pets in the suggestions she gives to women seeking to escape an abusive situation.

Sheila shares that relationship difficulties are the top reason why women make an appointment with her, and that unfortunately a number of these involve some type of abuse. She says, "In physical abuse, fear and pain can freeze a woman's ability to make any changes for herself, while emotional or verbal abuse leaves scars on her confidence and soul rather than the body."

Sheila notes that in the dangerous time period when a woman attempts to leave an abusive situation, she needs to make plans for herself and her pets. If she’s considering leaving, Sheila helps craft a plan of action, including finding a place to go, getting essentials out of the house and into storage, and placing important documents–bank books, passports, insurance cards, and other items needed to conduct business on her own–in a safe place.

Including Pets in the Equation
Sheila recognizes the importance of including pets in the escape plan. Unfortunately, most domestic violence shelters do not accept pets, forcing women to choose between their own health and safety and that of their pets. Sheila notes that many women have refused to go to emergency shelters because they fear leaving their pets alone with the abuser.

If there are pets involved in the situation, Sheila urges the woman to get them out of the abusive home, noting that pets should not remain isolated and vulnerable to the abuser–particularly at this time of intense anger and emotion, and without the protective shield of the woman who normally cares for them. Sheila urges the woman to place her pets with someone she can trust, who will love and care for them outside of the abusive home until she can return to retrieve him or her.

Sheila notes several common dynamics between the abuse of women and animals, including:

• In both cases, control is in the hands of someone who creates an environment of fear within a close relationship
• Women often DO return after abuse, because the abuser apologizes and behaves like a loving partner for awhile
• Dogs have a long history of wanting to bond with caregivers; even in the face of abuse, they continue to answer their abuser’s call and expect kindness
• Women are often systematically isolated from family and friends by their abusers, and come to believe that there’s no good way out
• A pet is dependent on abuser for care, and by definition is isolated with abuser
• For both women and pets, the process of abuse and victimization overshadows trust and bonding; in both instances, one individual gains power and control over another, creating pain and a real sense of entrapment
• To further complicate this dynamic between abusers / women / pets, one powerful method of “keeping a woman in her place” is through threats and actual assaults on pets. If she makes a “wrong move” her precious animal companion may be harmed

In order to effectively help a woman and her animals caught up in an abusive situation, it is vital that a counselor have a sound understanding of the interactions, constraints, and nuances she is facing. Sheila Whitman’s experience supports the needs and realities of these women, and clearly includes their pets into a plan for a safe and healthy new start.